Which direction is forward?

Aloha.

It's been awhile. I actually gave up on blogs last month. I decided they were too self-absorbed and trite. But I keep finding out more and more friends have them and honestly, I love reading theirs. So, maybe someone will enjoy reading mine, or at least they can laugh at my cyclical ramblings and have proof that I am alive and kicking, out here in the middle of the Pacific.

It's spring tingling May. That means I've been a degree carrying college grad for a whole year now. That's hard to believe, the rapid passage of time fooled me into thinking commencement was just the other day. I suppose I sort of feel like a different person now, with 365 days of "real world" under my belt. But really, can anyone call Maui the real world? (More on that another time.) As of this week, exactly half of my post graduate life has been spent on this rock. Am I the better for it? More importantly, as I am still an idealist at heart, is the world the better for it? Hard to say, but I'm leaning towards the negative. Maybe a snorkeling tourist from Ohio now recycles, maybe a kid from New Mexico will grow up to fight for green sea turtles, maybe a humpback whale, migrating to Alaska as we speak, owes me a degree of graditude for pushing for a marine sanctuary in Hawaiian waters. That's a nice thought and could even be true. But it doesn't come close to being enough for me to feel useful and fulfilled here.

I do feel useful and fulfilled when I am learning about the sea, the boats, weather and navigation. I'm keeping my sea hours in case I ever have a reason or desire in the distant future to be a captain. When you think about it, it's a natural progression as a Pisces born on an island and raised on a penninsula by a kayaking wild woman (aka mom) and a halibut slaughtering fisher papa. Why fight desitiny? But that's not in the cards just yet. For now, I put my energy into helping people who've never swam a day in their life learn to overcome their fears and snorkel in Molokini crater. Not to brag, but I've had some success with it. This week I even received an invitation to India, accompanied with complete contact information, by an Indian woman and her family who were grateful for my patience and good humor. Those moments make everything else, like serving mai tais, cleaning up after seasick passengers, and wondering what the hell I'm doing here, worthwhile. But those moments are not enough to keep me here forever.

Which is why as of late I've been thinking about the Peace Corps. Or at least getting my hands on a copy of Alternatives to the Peace Corps. (Great book, check it out world savers.) I need some direction in my life right now. I need projects with start and finish dates. I crave deadlines and teachers, any kind will do. I need to feel like I have a purpose and it's a good one. I know I'll continue drifting and soul searching maybe for life, but I can do that while simultaneously seeing more countries, learning more languages, experiencing more world views, and being a part of more social change. Right? Definately more than I am now.

Don't get me wrong, I would be the first to say Maui is a sweet slice of heaven. However, heaven is not exactly what I'm looking for right now and frankly, I'm stagnating here. If something came along right now that caught my eye, I think I would be gone in a flash. I can always come back here any winter and work whale season and renew my tan and get warm again. Maui will always be here. But the chance to go where ever the wind blows me sans responsibilities or expectations may not last forever. So, back to the drawing board just like this time last year. What does Kai want to do with her life today?

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Mahalo.